Going through a small scale depression. Maybe it's more large scale than I thought though. I broke into tears tonight when my husband told me that he was hoping to play football with some friends in the morning because I had been thinking about going to the gym in the morning. I can't run. My new shoes came. I was so excited and giddy for about an hour while I tried them on and got everyone settled in at home so I could go for a quick jog to test them out. It was my first run in a week and a half. I'd been feeling great. I was sure I'd be fine. And I was GREAT for the first mile and then after that I started to feel a little twinge of pain, this time on the outside of my knee instead of under it - my I.T.band. Nice. I had been running super slow and easy just in case but after the first mile I started to back off even more and then finally after 2 1/2 miles I walked home. AHhhhhhh!!! SO FRUSTRATING!!!! I've been going to the gym to use the bike and the elliptical but all I want to do is get out there and run. Several weeks ago I mapped out my 16 mile run that's on my schedule for tomorrow morning. I'm seriously in tears right now as I think about not being able to run it. I have been working so hard and doing so well and getting stronger and faster and I've been so consistent with it and now I'm feeling like I'm not going to be able to finish it. What if it takes my knee too long to heal and I don't get enough training in? What if I can't run the marathon at all? I really have been so emotional since I stopped running. I've been grouchy and moody and mopey and I just feel like crying every time I think about not being able to run.
I guess this is part of the process though. It makes me want it so much more and I'm sure I'll appreciate it and enjoy it so much more when I'm back out there running. It's so weird for me to be so emotional just because I can't run, but I really have fallen in love with it. I love the way it makes me feel. I love that I can push my body to do hard things and it feels good. I love the feeling of accomplishment but more than anything the feeling of peace and freedom as the wind blows in my face and I watch the world whiz by. It's a whole new perspective on things for me. It's quiet time to think and work through things. But at the same time it can be an energizing fun time when I'm running to the beat of some fun tunes and trying to keep myself from movin' and grovin' to music that no one else can hear! Lol!
Bottom line: I miss running. I'm not sure if it's normal to be so depressed when you get injured but I am. The end.
*P.S. I've gained 2 lbs. maybe it's the stress from being so emotional. I'm not eating poorly. I'm still doing 2 hours of weights and at least 2 hours of biking a week and I've been really good about doing abs and glutes every day too. So what's up with gaining weight? I HATE not being able to run!
hang in there Janelle. i don't think it's abnormal to get depressed like that - my sister is a serious runner (several marathons, etc.) - she had a stubborn foot injury that she dealt with for over a year and it really got her down. she felt like she was missing a piece of her, and had lost her freedom or something. but it healed and she survived, and runs as much as ever! I've always hated running, but lately have seen how people fall in love with it. it's a crazy high to push your body past the point you thought it could go. i actually almost like it now. :)
ReplyDeleteoh and i HEAR YOU on being frustrated over weight gain. i've gained a few pounds over the past few months even though I am diligent as ever at the gym and really eating healthy. i can't seem to lose those 5 pounds and don't understand why i even gained them in the first place! argh. stupid scale - i wish i could just throw it away and not care.
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